When the work stopped meaning anything

What work would I keep doing if no one ever thanked me for it?

Question 25 of the Index

You are still doing it well, which is part of why it is hard to raise with anyone. Nothing has collapsed. You show up, the work goes out, people are satisfied, and somewhere in the last stretch the whole thing quietly stopped registering.

Two different states are wearing one word. The first is depletion: you would still want this if you had slept, and the meaning is intact underneath the tiredness. The second is that the meaning has actually gone, and rest will return you refreshed to something you no longer want. On a Wednesday afternoon they feel identical, they call for opposite responses, and getting it the wrong way round costs about a year.

The question that separates them takes the audience away. What would you keep doing if no one ever thanked you for it, not once, ever. It works because a good deal of what passes for motivation is recognition running at a level you stopped noticing, and recognition is the first supply to fail when a role gets large or long. If the answer comes quickly and it is roughly what you already do, you are tired. If the honest answer is very little of it, that is information rather than a verdict on you.

Notice what the question turns up that is not your job. Most people find one or two things that survive the test and sit entirely outside the paid work, and the reflex is to file them as hobbies. That filing deserves a second look. It is the only evidence you hold about what you want that was gathered while nobody was watching and nobody was paying.